So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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