If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
