Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
