i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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