a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
