what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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