so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No subtext here. People are naked.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
