the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
