Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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