So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
