just tell him i said nine months
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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