I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize