He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Welp...herpes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
