That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
