The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
