Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
