So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
