All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize