Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
