Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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