I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize