If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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