He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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