You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm getting married
To pizza
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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