I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
