I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize