Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
