get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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