[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I deserve this hangover.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
