I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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