No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
