I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
