i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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