GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
