I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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