he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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