: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
