who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
