Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
