I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
