What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize