I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
