so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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