Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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