R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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