Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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