My hand turned me down
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize