i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
