She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
