omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
