whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My dick has a subreddit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
