he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
