I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
