Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
