I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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