All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
