I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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