Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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