I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
