Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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