i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My pussy is not your playground.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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