All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
