I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
